Austin's Original Dog Running Service

We drove to Memphis this past weekend to celebrate the 4th of July and Ab’s birthday. It was an awesome weekend…except for the fact that we drove to Memphis. Ab and I are not very good at handling long trips. We were road weary by the time we got to Round Rock…30 minutes from Austin. Ab made a car bingo game, we had snacks and new tunes and a deer antler (…for me. Really, it’s called a deer antler. Ab hopes to all hell that it isn’t ACTUALLY an antler but is too afraid to research it. We’ll continue to turn a blind eye). Alas, Memphis is about 400 hours away from Austin and there aren’t enough games in the world to keep us amused that long. We’re never driving outside of Austin ever again.

 Anyways…aside from the travel itself, Memphis was amazing. We went for a run on a golf course one morning…a very fancy golf course where professionals play tournaments….lots of water stops and sand pits and ducks. That probably describes almost every golf course in the world, but this one really is super fancy. Our hosts have a small dog and a beautiful home FULL of tennis balls, so I was in hog heaven. I also went on my first boating expedition. Ab has taken me out on numerous canoe and kayak trips..but never on an actual boat (if we can ever afford a boat, you may never hear from me again. I won’t have time to blog). As I’ve explained in previous posts, I am deathly afraid of swimming. I LOVE wading/splashing/playing in the shallow end…but I freeze up and sink when I’m in deep water. So when we got to the end of the dock and Ab jumped onto the boat and motioned for me to follow, I spread my legs, hunkered down, and tried to make myself immobile. I was eventually carried onto the boat, shaking and shedding and altogether terrified. Ab praised me profusely and assumed everything was cool between us once I was on the boat. I, however, don’t forgive that easily, so I contracted a flea infestation immediately upon our return to Austin.

In the span of 3 days, I have had my monthly application of Front Line, a flea dip, and one of those ‘magic caps’ from the vet that’s supposed to annihilate all fleas within 30 minutes. Ab flipped me on my back around 10pm last night (it’s easier to see fleas on my stomach b/c I’m hairless on the underside. And that is the most awkward thing I’ve ever mentioned in my blog. Moving on now.)…and found 3 young, healthy, happy fleas. I am the most gracious host ever. If there is a flea anywhere on this hemisphere in need of a home, I will find it, welcome it, and protect it against all anti-flea treatments. Even my veterinarian is impressed with my resistance. There were fleas VISIBLY bouncing off of me while we were picking up my magic cap…and yet I didn’t scratch or make any other attempt whatsoever to remove/disturb them. It’s truly remarkable. Ab claims that my fleas are ruining her life…and is thrilled to see that they may be relocating for the time being (we’ve only found 2 today). Rest assured, I will welcome them back at some point in the future. Possibly for Christmas…

We’re ramping up our running a bit at the moment b/c Ab’s running an 18 mile nighttime trail race at the beginning of August. I’m going along…but only for the camping part. Dogs aren’t allowed to run the race. FINE BY ME. It’s going to be like 115 degrees that day…and there’s a keg party afterwards. This has zero chance of ending well. I’ll try to take pictures.

And speaking of pics, here’s me..and my tongue..on the boat:

And here’s a pic of Ab, staring adoringly at the Peabody ducks:

Later pups,

Piggy

Well…it finally happened. I met one of Ab’s family members. Emily, Ab’s sister, came down for a 3-day visit in the middle of April. Em is married, works in an office, and lives in a suburb of Cleveland, Ohio. We were a little worried that 72 straight hours of partying outdoors might wear on her…but she seriously rose to the occasion. She may never drink or intentionally venture outside again, but we had SUCH a great time while she was here. Ab’s now making a full-court press to get her to move to Austin. Hopes are high.

In other family-related news, something Ab and I said recently seems to have spooked Ab’s mom. She took it upon herself to order us a “pepper spray blaster gun”. This thing actually somewhat resembles a gun. We just assembled it this morning, and we are eagerly anticipating our next early morning session…wherein we run under the cover of 5am darkness with what, to everyone else, will appear to be a weapon. Awesome. This should end well. The police aren’t huge fans of us to begin with…merely due to the fact that the parking laws in this town are outrageous… and we refuse to blindly follow such an egregious affront on our right to leave Court on the grassy area at Auditorium Shores. That’s an issue for another time…but seriously, at 4pm, the closest parking spot to Aud Shores is in San Antonio. Go ahead APD, keep putting boulders on the grassy parking area…Court’s gonna go all Dukes of Hazard on them one of these days (nevermind the fact that Court’s fog light “skirt” is currently secured to her body with cable ties and any sort of airborne shenanigans will surely lead to her immediate demise. She’s totally ready to go down in flames of glory. On the GRASSY side of the boulder blockade.) Alrighty then…WAY off topic. Anyways…

We finally got our air conditioning unit fixed last week. It’s been out of commission since the end of last summer. It should also be noted that it has been in the 90’s in Austin lately. For reasons unbeknownst to me, that heat did nothing to inspire Ab to call the repair people. Procrastination at its finest? I’m not convinced… as she was perfectly willing to go through the trouble of filling up ICE BAGS for us to sleep with so that we were sufficiently comfortable. So, so strange. Just another reason that I have Austin Boxer Rescue on speed dial…just in case.

We took a little field trip to Book People this afternoon so that we could buy another book on art collecting. Ab picked up a flier on the way inside…started reading it as we were walking into the building…and completely slammed face-first into a pillar in the doorway. The kind gentlemen working the front desk found this to be the most amusing thing they’ve ever seen. Psht. Ab recovered quickly and pointed out that this was a “stupid way to construct a building!!!”. I boxed the air a little bit in a show of solidarity. Dumb*ss pillars.

It’s Mother’s Day this Sunday, so I’ll do something special for Ab. Last year I surprised her on Mother’s Day by bringing a baby lizard into the house. That’ll be a tough gift to top. I should start hunting this evening.

One last thing before I wrap up. Ab explained the events of Sunday night to me…and I just have one thought: I empathize with all the facebook/twitter/blog comments about “not celebrating death” under any circumstance. I understand that sentiment, I really do. However, Ab read a FOX Austin article to me this morning and it ends with this sentence:

“And then the man behind the worst terrorist attack on U.S. soil died from an American bullet to his head.”

I will say this in my least celebratory voice: It is a DAMN. FINE. DAY. to be an American.

To SEAL Team Six (who, for no reason whatsoever, Ab envisions to be a compilation of the military’s hottest soldiers):  Thank you.  

Pancho the Pigbelly

Last Wednesday kicked off the music segment of SXSW and one of Ab’s friends scored a wristband (and a guest pass?) to the Fader Fort. For out-of-towners: Fader Fort is a big music tent in a field. Super fun crowd, new music, totally awkward run-in with a guy Ab dated for a sec, good times all around. On Friday, we met up with more friends and went to see Kaskade at midnight (ish). Kaskade is a band. I feel it’s necessary to add that detail as we had never heard of them before last weekend. Actually, I’m not sure if it’s a “them”. It may just be a “he” or a “she”. We couldn’t see the stage. Kaskade doesn’t actually sing lyrics…or at least not lyrics that can be understood by the human ear. The music is just beats, noises, lights…that kinda thing. Ab fell asleep while “dancing” (aka: swaying around aimlessly with the “rhythm” one would expect from…perhaps… a mule).

In other music news…we have made an incredible discovery. Fischer’s (my boxer buddy) dad sent us a youtube video of 2 Italian musicians, Andrea Parodi & Massimiliano Larocca, playing PANCHO & LEFTY IN ITALIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As you all know, I am named after that song. Ab played the Italian version 47, 312 times on Monday…and then sang it to me all evening. She might read this, so I’ll just say “it was great”.

Ab spent an afternoon last week at the rodeo, violating all the animals. Here she is, forcing a Longhorn to lick her hand:

Aaaaand here she is, acting totally immature (but seriously…those are incredible):

We are in the process of building a garden. This is somewhat bothersome as we have yet to successfully sustain life outside of the human and canine realm.  Ab received a fish tank as a gift a few years ago. We nicknamed it The Tank of Death. We cleaned it, tested the water, adjusted the temperature…everything…but this tank managed to kill every fish that so much as dipped a fin in its waters. Creeeeeepy. Ab tried to set it up again when we moved to Dallas but I knocked it over before she could hurt any more fish (or, in Ab’s words: “you knocked it over because the tennis ball rolled behind the fish tank stand and you threw your entire body against it because god forbid you go 10 seconds without a tennis ball”). Whatever.

As for this weekend:
Before our Saturday morning run, we met up with a trainer friend and did a little core workout. Ab never does that sort of thing. She made it through about 10 situps and today she’s too sore to exhale. You think I’m exaggerating…

We then spent ALLLLL afternoon working on taxes at Jo’s on 2nd Street…got about halfway through…and then bailed to drink wine at Taverna next door. (disclaimer: we are supposed to be working on taxes right now…hence the blog about cow ‘parts’).

On that note, we’re going to Freddy’s. It’s Sunday night…we need a beer.

Peace Pups,
Pigbelly

Hi pups!

To cut straight to the chase…last week was the worst week of my life.  I had a growth on my ear and the vet cut it out on Monday.  The surgery itself went smoothly and I was sent home at 4pm.

sad sack of boxer

 I was EXHAUSTED and fell asleep as soon as we got to our condo:

At about 11pm, I started getting really sore and restless. Ab had to stay up all night and make sure I didn’t scratch my ear (she had to take the e-collar off for me to sleep, so the ear was exposed).  The next morning, I went to stay at my absentee father’s house because it’s much bigger than our condo and I was able to walk around with my e-collar without bumping into things.  I refused to eat or drink anything with the collar on, so Ab took it off around 2pm to let me have a snack. I IMMEDIATELY sat down and scratched my ear with my hind leg…ripped off the bandage…and started shaking my head. The wound opened up and blood was spurting EVERYWHERE (all over the floor, walls, countertops…). I was basically SPRAYING blood. The place looked like a crime scene.

Ab (while sobbing hysterically) rushed me to the vet’s office. She also called the receptionist en route to make sure they were ready to see me immediately. This happened to be entirely unnecessary as, by this point, Ab was also completely covered in blood and having us anywhere near the waiting room would have terrified other clients.

waiting for the vet to see us...

The vet patched me back up and I went home with a new “donut” collar to wear just while eating and drinking.

 I was slightly more tolerant of this version, but that didn’t stop me from crying and whining incessantly. Ab was totally paranoid that I was going to do a replay of our little “Psycho” scene…so she spent the rest of Tuesday and all of Wednesday just staring at me…and stuffing me full of meaty bones.

meaty bone to the rescue!

 It was a long and exhausting few days there. However, I am happy to report that I am all back to normal now and the growth wasn’t cancerous.  HUGE, HUGE relief. Ab is still exhibiting elevated levels of clinginess (for example, she has spent the past few nights sleeping with her hand around one of my paws), but I’m confident she’ll calm down here someday.

Ab and one of her friends went down to the SXSW ‘volunteer call’ last week. They thought it would be fun to volunteer a bit, get the legit inside-scoop on all the bands, and just generally seem cool for a weekend. They showed up at the Hilton, stood in line for MAYBE 2 minutes, read over the introductory volunteer fliers, and promptly bailed. The minimum required commitment is 50 hours of volunteering…in 4 days. That leaves approximately not one single second to actually see any of the bands. Amazingly, the line to volunteer snaked all throughout the Hilton. What are these people doing!? Just volunteering for the sake of giving back to the community? Are we missing something?

In Court-related news: We lost her keys (her only set) last Friday. We searched for an hour…no dice. So Ab called a friend and we all headed to the VW dealer. ..because  Ab assumed that they have some “master pile” of keys for all the VW’s in Austin. Yeeeeaaaah. That is NOT how that works. (our friend was sweet enough to assume that we knew something he didn’t and that we had already confirmed that the dealer could help. He clearly doesn’t know us well enough). We got about ½ a mile from the dealer and Ab goes “hmm. Now that I’ve thought about it more, I’m not 100% sure that they’ll have keys for every single VW they’ve ever sold”. Thank god we have REALLY patient friends.

For my out-of-town readers: it snowed in Austin a few days ago. It was my first time playing in any significant amount of snow. Ab handled it like a complete spaz and took at least 600 pictures of me. I have yet to grasp the concept of standing still for more than a fleeting second…so every picture is of some portion of my midsection…with snow in the background.

We didn’t really run much over the past week due to the snow and cold weather, so I’ve been extra hyper lately. I accompanied Ab on all her dog visits today to try to release some energy. One of our clients is a white boxer (I’ve mentioned him before…his name is Augie) that lives in the high-rise condo complex, ‘5^th on Sabine’ (or something like that…too lazy to google it at the moment). I’ve been to visit Augie many, many times and I normally recognize his floor (the 6^th). However, today I got confused and got out on the mezzanine level when the elevator opened…and ran into a huge conference room with about a hundred people. It was some sort of business luncheon.  Ab had to run in and retrieve me. That went over well. From now on, we will be hitting ‘5^th on Sabine’ in disguise.

(insert your own segue here)

We’re in the process of adopting a bus stop!!!!!!! CapMetro Austin has put each of the bus stops up for “adoption” (seriously, so adorable)…and we’re taking one! We’ll be in charge of decorating it, planting flowers around it, keeping it neat, etc. In return, CapMetro will put up a little sign at the stop displaying our name (or perhaps “Abby Loves Dogs”…that would probably be the business-savvy thing to do. We’ll see…).  Ab’s hoping this helps ease her mother’s grandbaby cravings. It’s not QUITE the same as adopting a child…but at least it’s something! A sweet little bus stop. We’re a family now.

2 other quick updates:

1. We tried Somnio’s for the 1^st time a week or so ago. All locally-produced food (simple, veggie-based dishes), bring your own booze, awesome low-key, outdoor patio. For most people, the Somnio’s experience would be basically like staying home. For us, it’s incredible. We may go every day.
2. We bought tickets to the Yonder Mountain String Band concert at Stubbs. We’re counting down the seconds. We may not even invite a companion as Ab will surely dance to every song…and her dancing is terrifying. It’s not safe for the naked eye.

 side note: we googled “naked eye” after typing that and one of the top google results is titled “Is it true that the naked eye can distinguish 500 shades of gray?”. I can answer that: Who the hell cares.

 Some people have too much time on their hands. They should do something useful…start a dog blog or something.

 Later pups,

Piggy

It is a damn good thing that I do not make a living off of this blog, pups. I’m far from rolling in the dough as it is, but if I was a professional blogger, I’m quite certain that I would make Indian peasants look well-to-do.  I briefly considered making blogging one of my new year’s resolutions this year. Ab and I have never made a resolution because, historically speaking, we immediately despise anything that we feel ‘required’ to do. We need someone in a position of great authority to forbid blogging. Mark my word…we would then compose a novel in less than a week.

On to our update: Ab and I ALMOST suffered a great loss this month. Our beloved beetle, Courtney, had a life-threatening illness. Her transmission blew (‘blew’? I don’t know. I just pulled that out of my *ss. I don’t know if the transmission is a tiny little knob or something like an engine…so I have no idea if it blows, explodes, bursts, burns, etc. You get the point though. Her transmission was not transmitting anything any longer).  This development threw our entire lives out-of-whack. We spent a few days unsure of whether or not she could/should be repaired and during that time we borrowed my absentee father’s beast of an automobile. This car beeps whenever we’re about to back into something. It’s probably beeped twice in the 3 years that he’s been driving it…but we threw it into a complete beeping nervous breakdown multiple times.  It overreacts.

Court did end up getting fixed (in exchange for Ab’s future first born child…) and is now home and running really well.

In unrelated news, Ab and Court went to the soft opening of the W Hotel last week. Aaaand…that’s all they remember about that. No, just kidding. Ab also remembers saying “I would love a bottle of champagne!” after already drinking in one of their bars for a few hours. Sadly, she went back for dinner 2 nights later and re-enacted the scene with a friend from Colorado. Poor Court and her infant transmission had to spend 2 nights on the streets of downtown. Ab described the hotel to me and apparently there are a lot of fireplaces. Sounds really nice. (although I am also aware that Ab took the self-guided tour at the END of the night, so there may only be one fireplace and she just kept walking past it numerous times).   Needless to say, she clearly did her part to open the W. Ab and Court can no longer roll past it without getting nauseated. The W is open…and will be left completely alone for at least a year.

Ab is headed home to Cleveland on Tuesday and I’ll be staying in Austin. I would LOVE to go with her as I’ve never seen snow and I have a new Boston Terrier cousin (pictured here, in a standard shower curtain):

 Roscoe is Ab’s sister’s (Emily…Em…Meme…like me, she has a number of nicknames) pup.  Roscoe is quite young, so I would love to spend a week with him and have someone on which to blame things. I could return to some of the debauchery I threw down in Dallas AND have a scapegoat!  “No Ab, I did not tip over the 10 gallon aquarium. That tiny little terrier puppy did it!”

As for this weekend: We are running in some Jingle Bell or Santa Claus or something race on Saturday. Oh!! And on Sunday…we’re going to see an Israeli guitarist, David Broza, play Townes Van Zandt songs. Broza played with Townes a bunch and it’s basically a tribute to Townes and his poetry/music.  As you all know, I am named after Townes’ song “Pancho and Lefty” (I am not kidding you…Ab just got choked up while typing that for me. She needs so much help).  The song was obviously made popular by Willie…but we listen to Townes’ version all the time. Whenever it comes on the ipod or stereo, Ab always yells to me “hey babe” so that I stop whatever I’m doing and look at her. That’s it. She just wants to make eye contact with me whenever the song comes on. I never, ever wonder why she’s not married.  

In conclusion: you’ve now all seen the new logo. We know you like the old one…but it was hand-drawn and couldn’t be blown up into things like yard signs and billboards. Plus this one includes a caricature of me and ab. Our current goal is to get it up on the billboard above the RunTex on Lake Austin Boulevard (actually it’s not a RunTex anymore. It’s a crossfit gym…but it still says RunTex all over the building).  If anyone has any reasonable suggestions on how to accomplish this, feel free to comment on the blog. If anyone has any unreasonable/illegal suggestions on how to accomplish this, feel free to email us.

Wow…WHILE I was typing that last sentence, someone sent this spam comment to the blog: “Cowards die many times before their deaths”. Word. Screw the billboard. We’re turning the whole damn building into a huge Abby Loves Dogs logo.  We will be back soon. Or in jail. Either way…happy holidays, pups. Much love from the Pigbelly.

Hiya pups! Sorry it’s been a while. I could try to come up with an excuse, but I got nothin’. Just been busy. Well, it’s also football (aka tailgating) season and then there was ACL…all very important, time-consuming events.  We’ve also been decorating our condo lately…it actually looks a bit like living beings reside there now (still no TV or couch…but that would just be overkill).  So, let’s see…what’s been new lately… I went to Schulz Beer Garden to tailgate before the UCLA game. It was still pretty warm that weekend but the staff ROCKED and brought me many cups of ice. They made sure I stayed cool and comfortable.  Awesome joint.  Ab spent all ACL weekend drinking in Zilker Park. I wasn’t allowed to participate in any of that…unless you count the hung-over run we went on Saturday morning and the 4 billion times we’ve listened to the new favorite song she discovered at the festival…”Home” by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros. Fantastic. We’re pretty sure that song will singlehandedly bring about world peace. I spent last weekend with my absentee father and his girlfriend as Ab had an eye infection. It got to the point where her eye swelled up and started to pop out. Incredibly, this is the 2^nd time this has happened in 2 weeks. So that’s hot…

Ab’s knitting a scarf at the moment. She’s been working on it for about 3 weeks and it’s MAYBE 2 inches long.  She plans on knitting me a huge dog bed cover eventually. Unfortunately, I probably won’t live more than 10 more years, so I’ll never actually see that finished project. 

We signed up to run in the Turkey Trot again this year. We did it for the first time last year. It was horrible. WAY too crowded. I was completely freaked out for the first 4 miles (and it’s only 5 miles total) because there were so many people and I felt crowded and couldn’t get a nice pace going. It’s clearly not meant for dogs as I was probably 1 of 5 dogs participating…amongst thousands of people.  Really glad she’s dragging me to that again.  

Ab and I recently purchased a new ipod. Yep, that would make 6 IPODS this year. This last one is great…touch screen, holds (? Shows? I don’t know what the correct verb is b/c we never actually use that application) videos, plays radio stations…just so much fun. Sadly, it has ALREADY fallen into the ipod-sucking abyss that is Austin, TX and we haven’t seen it for 2 weeks. We had a whopping 2 weeks of enjoyment out of it…and then it disappeared. We are fully aware that we do not deserve another ipod. This is wasteful expenditure at this point. But the alternative is going through life talking to people and thinking…so obviously we’re going to buy another ipod.  Ab’s decided to implant this one…much like she implanted my microchip into my shoulder…so this one should last at least a few months.

We went to Freddie’s with a good friend last night. I refused to eat dinner beforehand, so after about 30 minutes, I was starving and wouldn’t sit still for half a second. I kept putting my dirt-covered jowls in Ab’s lap and moaning, so her friend suggested ordering the “doggie bowl”. Apparently Freddie’s has a menu item for dogs…a bowl of sautéed, ground beef!!!!!! Needless to say, every single time we go to Freddie’s from now on, I will just cut to the chase and be god-awful annoying right off the bat. I HIGHLY recommend this meat bowl.  Do whatever you need to do to get one.

Alrighty…we’re off to see a boxer client, Augie (a very young boxer pup that we walk mid-day during the week. Ab’s in love with him and I tolerate sharing her affection since Augie punches me in the face every time he sees me, thereby making it ok for me to go full-throttle boxer-crazy on him. Good times. Good kid.) 

Catcha later pups,

Panchito

Ab and I went camping in Pace Bend a few weekends ago.  We arrived at the park around 4pm, spent a few hours swimming, meeting other campers, and drinking. We then set up our tent, ate dinner…and  Ab read while I destroyed 200 sticks. “We” fell asleep around 10pm…or so one of us thought. Ab neglected to zip the flap all the way, so after she fell asleep, I slipped out and spent 2 hours doing the various things I do late at night, after drinking all afternoon. I hadn’t planned on getting caught, but I accidentally woke Ab up when I crawled back into the tent and laid my soaking wet head down on her stomach. Damn it. Completely forgot that I was wet. I used my old standby “I just went for a swim”, but the cover was blown the next morning when we went for a run, passed a campsite full of college kids (about half a mile away from our own site), and Ab heard them yell “Morning Pancho!”. She quickly deduced that they had read my name on my collar in the middle of the night as I made myself at home at their little keg party. I know she considered disciplining me…but it was fleeting as I gave her a look that said “we’ve partied together for 3 years. I’ve seen the aftermath of a full day at ACL. I’ve been to about 30 UT tailgates with you. I trust you are not even CONSIDERING yelling at me for a measly 2 hours of indiscretion”. That shut her up.

We also saw a jackalope. I realize that they are thought to be mythical creatures…regardless, we saw one on Sunday morning. We googled “jackalope” (which is how we know that it’s spelled ‘jackalope’ and not ‘jackelope’) when we got home and learned that they are supposed to have antelope horns. Ours did not have horns, per se….but the ears were no less than 3 feet long….and this thing was very powerful. It hopped/ran VERY quickly…and seemingly very forcefully.  So, perhaps it was not a jackalope…(no horns)…but it was some Texas-bred freak of nature. It was not a large rabbit, so please don’t even go there. This was something else. And it was undoubtedly carnivorous.  I’m not 100% sure that we’ll ever go to Pace Bend again.

So next Monday (the 23^rd) is my birthday. I will be 3….and then I will effectively stop aging and live for eternity. We are headed to the Lofty Dog on 2^nd street this week to pick out some presents.  We swung by there 2 weeks ago and I picked out a squeaky fish…or, more accurately, the most sensitive object on earth. If you merely walk past this toy, it squeaks. To all of Ab’s friends that have tried to talk to her on the phone while I’ve been squeaking the fish: don’t worry, we’ve decided to sell it to the military.  We feel that it was meant for higher purposes. (for example: perhaps MIA soldiers could use it to signal their location to the rest of their unit from miles away. Just a thought).

For our monthly dose of ridiculous news: it has been at least 100 degrees in Austin for about 10 straight days… so Ab has, once again,  become hell-bent on moving to Northern Canada. She plans on working with a wildlife rehabilitation center up there (of which we do not know the name/location yet…or even if one exists at all. Minor details…pft). To better position herself for this opportunity, she has started volunteering at the Texas Wildlife Rehab Center. Her 1^st day was last Wednesday and she bottle fed 5 baby squirrels.  Cool? Yes. BUT…this experience rocked our plans for the future a bit. Turns out…Ab thinks some baby animals are disgusting. 5-week old squirrel with fur, open eyes, and a long tail? Awesome. 1-week old squirrel with no hair, closed eyes, and pink leathery skin? Gross. Who the hell rescues these things?! Really? Someone runs/walks/whatevers past these things and thinks “Oh no! I can’t let that slimy, hairless, squirmy thing with no distinguishable eyes die!! Much less all 7 of them!!” Compassionate people are weird.

Well pups, that’s about it for now. If you’re free on Wednesday evening, we’ll be at Book People for our monthly book club. We only read/study books on science topics. Surprisingly, it is not the best place to find a date….but it is a guaranteed good time.  You should swing by.

Peace in the Middle East,

Panchito

learning name

We’re exhausted over here today. We didn’t sleep at all last night. Ab pulled a back muscle yesterday. In most homes, this type of event would in no way affect the dog. However, I trust that none of my readers are even remotely surprised that Ab’s various injuries have a profound impact on my life. So…this back muscle injury occurred sometime in the early evening and grew progressively worse. By the time we tried to go to bed, Ab couldn’t lay down because the muscle was so sore. We didn’t have any painkillers on hand, so Ab packed a bunch of Ziploc baggies full of ice and grabbed a bag of frozen berries (yeah…I don’t have an explanation for the berries. It was late. She was in pain. I didn’t ask questions). We plopped down on our ice bed and Ab fell asleep pretty easily once everything went numb. I, on the other hand, was in zero pain and was now laying in a bed full of my favorite treat…ice…so I proceeded to open all the baggies and eat the ice cubes. (Ab sort of heard me doing this but was only half awake…so she let me do my thing). At some point, I mistook the bag of berries for an ice pack and tore it open. I don’t like berries, so I just left them alone and fell asleep. Apparently berries melt. Ab woke up in the morning to find the sheets covered in some bright red substance. OF COURSE, she assumed that it was my blood…freaked the hell out…and searched my whole body for the gaping wound and/or ruptured organ that caused such extreme blood loss. I refrained from pointing out that the amount of blood that would have been lost in order to cause such a mess would probably have prevented me from waking up at all. By the time Ab found the berry bag, she was so relieved that I was going to live that I didn’t get into any trouble. I have the easiest life in the world. I can do anything I please at any time, and as long as I live through the experience, she’s overjoyed. Cesar Milan would be disgusted by us.

Fast forward to this afternoon: We arrive home after our dog appointments to find a woman performing ‘mouth to snout’ on a kitten on the hood of her car (that sounds a lot more graphic than it’s meant to. “Mouth to snout” is legal…it’s CPR on animals). Anyways…we get out of the car and Ab basically just stands in front of the woman…in complete awe…as this kitten is quite obviously dead. She asks ‘what happened?’and the woman explains that she just found this kitten on the road and she has no idea how long it has been ‘not breathing’. (this is clearly not the kind of person that readily accepts death, so Ab refrains from pointing out the rigormortis). The cat-saver asks what we think she should do. This is the point where I start walking up the stairs to our condo so that I don’t have to listen when Ab suggests that she put the kitten in the dumpster and go get a mouth transplant. Don’t get me wrong, both Ab and I are fine with cats…but this isn’t a cat…this is a CORPSE. Ab and I, on the whole, hate dead things. Like, pretty much universally. I can’t think of a single dead thing that we really like. Needless to say, Ab immediately follows me up the stairs and we both do the “heebie-jeebie” dance upon entering our condo. I’m actually still a little grossed out as I type this….and amused by the fact that we pulled up next to the cat-saver in a VW bug displaying a magnet with our “Abby Loves Dogs” logo. Guess there’s no need to add “kittens…not so much” at this point. Think we made that clear. (and let’s be honest…if it had been a boxer puppy laying on the hood, Ab would have momentarily considered ripping out her own lungs and stuffing them into the puppy).

“Bark in the Park” is this Saturday at Zilker. Stop by and see us…we’ll have a booth. OH!!!! AND…we are one of the 1st Aid providers! Such great timing for this post. If you have a cat that needs help at this event, you should obviously look elsewhere. Go see Jen Arnett at the “JenniFurrs Pet Sitting and Dog Walking” booth. She has cats…she’ll help you.

(VERY IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: we are not 100% clear on whether we’re supposed to give animal or human 1st Aid at this event. ONLY come to us if your dog needs help. We are the same duo that uses frozen berries to treat debilitating human back injuries. Don’t put us on the spot by coming over with some actual human emergency. We will make up a remedy for you that will undoubtedly cause more harm. Good. Responsibility fully absolved).

Alright pups. Happy Bastille Day. If I knew how to say “peace out’ in French, I would do so. This’ll have to do instead:

Crepes,

Piggy